Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.

While other children were playing in sand, Chuck was playing in concrete.

Why hasn’t a video game been made about Chuck Norris? Simple: nobody controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can finish an entire bottle of milk in 5 seconds. Using a fork.

Chuck Norris makes fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.

Chuck Norris once robbed a gun store with a knife.

Chuck Norris’ round house kick, kicks around a house.

Chuck Norris is doesn’t use protection, the women use protection but still get pregnant.

Chuck Norris quit smoking before he started.

Chuck Norris is so ripped he has torn a hole in the spacetime CONTINUUM.

Chuck Norris does a push up by pushing the earth down.

Cars look both ways before Chuck Norris crosses the street

Chuck Norris can ride a wheelie on a unicycle

When the zombie apacalypse starts Chuck Norris doesn’t try to survive, the zombies do.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard, just another fist.

Chuck Norris once single handedly killed 97 Afghan terrorists using his M-16 assault rifle. Then he flipped off the safety switch and shot 500 more of them.

Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix cube and shit it out solved.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.

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